Have you ever felt stuck, unable to do a certain thing, or go to a particular place, or call that friend you’ve been meaning to call? I’ve been experiencing that lately with a commitment I made to a friend.

Now, I’m one of the world’s champion procrastinators. If I could take the energy and creativity that I seem to have readily at my fingertips when the task is avoiding a task, and instead just apply all that to doing the task, I’d be…I’d don’t know, rich? famous? powerful? Regardless, I wouldn’t be me and I’ve learned that the procrastination is just part of my process, kind of like the tastiest soups simmering on the back burner as the complicated nuances of the flavor develops.

But sometimes I’ve recognized a “stuck” that goes beyond my procrastination tendencies. This is more of a deep-seated reluctance. My feet digging in and saying, “No, I will not.” I’m learning to sense when my hesitation to do something is coming from this stuck place; and I’m learning that the only way to get un-stuck is to figure out what it is I’m actually protesting against.

Sometimes it’s surprised me how trivial the source of my unconscious angst might be, but sure enough, it’s like getting a mule to move until it’s resolved. The up side of this is that I’m spending less time beating up on myself about what’s wrong with me, why do I get tripped up by things that keep me from living the life I want to live. The down side is that sometimes the answer you find in your subconscious may not be something you want to know, or may not be something easy to act on.

For example, I had to let my friend down by saying no to the commitment I’d made. I find it hard to say no. I feel guilty breaking commitments. And I hate disappointing friends. But I’m not stuck anymore, and I’m going to keep doing everything I can to be honest with everyone around me, though the truth isn’t always pretty.

And this means being honest with and true to myself as well.

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