Where do others ends and I begin? I have absolutely no doubt about who I am at my innermost core; even when I haven’t fully articulated it for myself, I am unwavering in my confidence that I will know the “right” thing for me when it pertains to this deepest level. My doubt and my insecurities multiply exponentially as my actions and interactions move away from this core. On the outer edges are what I’ve started calling my “blurry boundaries” – this is where I’ve realized that sometimes I may be confusing the wants and needs of an “other” for my own.

In a comment to Unstuck, sharonunleashed struck a chord that sang to me and helped get my mind churning about this. In my efforts to both make other people happy (good quality) and avoid confrontation (not necessarily a good quality), when it comes to those things in life that are less important to me – farther from the core – I’m really easy-going. So easy-going that looking at it now I’m wondering if I have any opinions at all. And I really don’t like that aspect of me. When did I lose myself to that extent? At what point did I think going-along-to-get-along, even on trivial things, was so important that I suppressed my own wants and needs; hell, my own personality? Shit, just writing about it right now is making me angry!

At least, regarding that “stuck” feeling – the one where I described digging my heels in and just stubbornly saying “NO” – theres’s a glimmer of hope. I think that’s the strong inner me, screaming and punching from the inside, demanding that some lines be drawn at those edges. In magic marker. Bright red.

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